


Kerosene

by toalltheones



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (Inaccurate) Gang AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Angst, Anxiety, Family, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Organized Crime, Please read my most recent chapter!, Slow Build, Violence, Will be updating tags as I go!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-02-07 12:43:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18620878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toalltheones/pseuds/toalltheones
Summary: Chan has never had it easy but things get exponentially worse when his stepfather dies, leaving him with a younger stepbrother and a large sum of debt to take care of. Thrown into a life of crime and violence, the only thing keeping him going is Felix, but how long can he keep them afloat before both of them get sucked into darkness?I’ll protect you from all the things I’ve seenAnd I’ll clean your woundsRinse them with salineKerosene_____________________________________________________________________________10/28/2019: Currently on hiatus. I went more in depth on my most recent chapter; please let me know how you feel, and whether you would like me to try to continue this fic or not. Thank you <3





	1. Just You And Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this ages ago for a different group but I never finished it, so I wanted to rewrite it with Stray Kids (& some of my new fav groups) in mind. I will be updating relationships/fandoms/tags/warnings as I go!
> 
> (It's not necessarily a song/lyrics fic, but it's based loosely off of Kerosene by Crystal Castles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR2QIJdtgiU)

“Here’s your paycheck for this week, Chan-ah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Chan took the envelope from the ahjumma, bowing to her before leaving the convenience store. He shivered when he felt the frigid night air bite into his skin and he pulled his worn jacket around his body tightly, hanging his head down low and hurrying home as fast as he could.

It was a little past 2 in the morning and the streets were unsurprisingly bare. Chan knew he was almost home when he turned onto a street littered with trash and lined by dim and flickering streetlights, casting ominous shadows along the pavement.

He soon came to a stop in front of an old, decrepit apartment building. It looked like it was falling apart at the seams and Chan let out a small sigh that was both wistful and relieved.

_Home sweet home._

Chan hurried in, not surprised when he was greeted by a lobby that was just as cold as outside, and carefully ascended the two creaky flights of stairs, quietly making his way down the narrow hallway.

He tried to unlock the door as quietly as he could, mindful of the late hour, but was surprised when he entered the apartment and saw that there was light streaming out from the kitchen.

“Lix?” Chan called out, dropping his backpack on the floor next to the worn couch.

A head of fluffy hair poked out from behind the wall and Chan was rewarded with a bright smile. He relaxed a little, warmth blooming in his chest, and he shuffled to the kitchen to see what the younger boy was doing still up.

Felix stood at the dingy stove, stirring some ramen in the only pot they owned He was wearing one of Chan’s old sweaters and it easily dwarfed his small frame but the older couldn’t help but think about how cute and cozy the other looked.

“What are you doing up? You’re supposed to be sleeping.” Chan scolded half-heartedly, secretly glad for the other’s company, and ran his hand through Felix’s hair. It was nice to come home to someone, and he worked so often that they rarely got to spend any time together.

“I know, but it’s not like I have to wake up early for school or anything,” Felix hummed noncommittedly as he poured the ramen out into two bowls, nudging the older boy with his foot to move him out of the way before carefully carrying the food out to the coffee table. “Besides, we never get to eat together anymore because you’re never home and I thought it’d be nice.”

Despite Felix’s light matter-of-fact tone and knowing that the younger didn’t resent him, Chan couldn’t help the spike of guilt.

“I’m sorry, Lix. I know you hate being home alone but that’s the only way I can make enough money to send you back to school. In fact, I might be able to send you back next year.” Chan lied, mouth set in a forced smile as he avoided the other’s eyes.

“It’s okay, hyung, I don’t mind. I just don’t want you to work too hard.” Felix quipped around a mouthful of noodles.

Chan smiled fondly, but it faded when he looked down at his bowl. Although the other didn’t say it, he knew that it was probably their last ramen packet. Chan looked up to see Felix eating slowly, trying to prolong the food as much as possible, and he felt uneasiness settle deep in the pit of his stomach.

When Felix felt Chan’s gaze on his face, he looked up from his food and beamed at the older boy again but, this time, his genuine smile only served to make Chan feel guiltier.

Chan shoveled in a few more bites of his ramen before pushing the bowl across the table to Felix, who had just finished his. “I’m going to go shower. You should eat the rest of my ramen.” He said, standing up and stretching out his sore limbs.

“Are you sure, hyung?” Felix looked up at him with uncertain eyes, hesitant to take the food until Chan pushed it directly into his hands. “I’m sure.” He said, ruffling the boy’s hair and ignoring how his eyes lit up before he headed down the hall, leaving behind the sounds of the other eagerly slurping up the rest of the noodles.

Once he closed the door to their tiny bathroom, Chan examined his reflection in the dirty, cracked mirror and groaned when he saw how sallow his skin looked and how deep the bags under his eyes were.

He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out the envelope from earlier, letting out a long sigh when he pulled out the paycheck and did quick calculations in his head.

It wouldn’t be enough.

Putting the paycheck back into his pocket, he quickly stripped and took a short shower, the water repeatedly fluctuating between lukewarm and freezing.

By the time he had stepped out of the bathroom, Felix had already cleaned up in the living room and kitchen and was curled up on the mattress in their small bedroom.

Chan pulled out an old pair of sweats and a hole-ridden hoodie, pulling them on before slipping under the covers with Felix who immediately snuggled closer to his body.

Chan reached down to pull the other closer, frowning when he felt the small boy’s tiny shivers underneath the threadbare blankets. Felix hummed in contentment, resting his head partly on the other’s lap.

Chan picked up the newspaper on the floor, flipping the pages until he got to his desired section. Squinting in the dim lamplight, he skimmed through the various job offerings, mentally storing away the ones that sounded attainable. After a while, he set the newspaper down with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt the impending headache.

He grabbed the small clock on the nightstand, carefully setting an alarm for 6 in the morning as he would have to get up early so he would have time to go to all of the places that were hiring before going to his food delivery job.

Chan reached up to turn off the lamp, finally laying down and settling in for bed. He almost had a heart attack when Felix reached over and squeezed his midsection tightly.

“Are you looking for another job, hyung?” He mumbled sleepily, his words slurred together as he nuzzled closer to Chan’s body heat.

“Mhmmm.” The older answered with a hum. He knew that Felix was concerned about his well-being but worrying about his own health was a luxury he couldn’t afford.

Felix lifted his head up to give Chan what he hoped was a stern glare. Unfortunately for him, his features were too soft to be any more threatening than a week-old-kitten and Chan merely smiled softly at him, smoothing down his unruly hair before he pushed his head back down to rest on his heart.

Felix thought about having a serious talk with Chan because he was genuinely worried about him, but the other was brushing his hair soothingly and it was hard to fight against the sleepiness tugging at his eyelids.

“H-hey, I could work too, y’know. I don’t have anything else to do and I want to help.” Felix yawned, rubbing his eye sleepily with a balled up fist.

Chan shook his head, knowing that the other would be able to feel it. “No. I’m your hyung, I’m supposed to take care of you. Just focus on studying my old books so that you won’t be too behind in school when you go back.” He said firmly, glad that Felix was drowsy enough that he wouldn’t argue.

Eventually, Felix’s breaths evened out and Chan let out a sigh as he was left alone with his thoughts.

He stared up at the ceiling helplessly, finally allowing tears to well up in his eyes. His breathing slowly became more frantic as he cried silently, careful not to wake the sleeping boy next to him.

Chan cried as he thought of his life and of his biological father who had walked out on their family when he was barely two months old, too young to have any type of recollection of him. He thought of his grandparents and how they had turned him and his mother away from their doorstep, calling her a disgrace for having a child out of wedlock. He thought of his stepfather who had been initially kind and fatherly before eventually spiraling into severe alcoholism, gambling, and drug use, eventually dying of an overdose. He thought of his mother, who had did her best to give Chan everything and who’s untimely death had sparked his stepfather’s depression and shattered Chan’s already-broken life.

He choked back a sob when his mother’s smiling face filled his mind.

Even though she was a young, single mother with a child and no college degree, she always tried to see the bright side of life. She tirelessly worked two full-time jobs just so that Chan would have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in at night. No matter what, she always prioritized Chan over everything and made sure that he was never lacking anything, especially love, and he dreamt of the day when he could grow up, get a job, and spoil her with all of the things she never got to have.

Now, Chan couldn’t do anything for his mother. He couldn’t even tell her that he loved her one last time because she was gone. She was gone and he was all alone.

Wait.

No, not alone.

He still had Felix with him.

Chan cut his next sob short when he felt Felix whine in his sleep, shifting in his arms to bury his face in his chest. He held his breath until the smaller boy finally settled back down and he let out a shaky sigh of relief. Roughly scrubbing his tears away, Chan turned his gaze down to Felix.

A streak of moonlight shone across his face and made the younger look like an angel. Although he was only four years younger than Chan, he looked so much younger when he slept that Chan felt like he needed to protect him from all of the hardships of the world.

Too bad he was doing such a shitty job at it.

Chan frowned, thoughts starting to go a thousand miles a second and he shook his head to stop himself before he got overwhelmed again. He glanced at the clock, cursing softly when he saw that it was almost 3 in the morning and that he barely had 3 hours to sleep.

He pulled the scratchy sheets tighter around himself and pressed a gentle kiss to Felix's forehead before he closed his eyes, preparing himself for another night of restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I mentioned before, I actually wrote this for a different group (+1mil points to anyone who can guess who it was for lool) but I never finished. I'm in the process of rewriting existing chapters to fit Stray Kids (+ the other cameo groups heh) but I decided to post what I have so far or this fic would never see the light of day again. It's just an introductory chapter, so there's not much going on, but it'll pick up soon!
> 
> Random notes: ages aren't canon, some details might be inaccurate (sorry, i'm getting all my "gang knowledge" from movies LOL), there will be a lot of angst but there will be a happy (or, at least, as happy as I can make it) ending!
> 
> Please leave me comments, constructive criticism/suggestions, & kudos! See you next chapter! ♡  
> (Especially comments bc I love reading/replying/making friends!!!!!)


	2. Never Enough

_Rrrrriiiiiinnnnnggg!_

Chan felt like he had just closed his eyes to rest when he startled awake to the shrill ringing of his alarm clock, quickly turning it off with a groan. He took a quick peek at Felix to make sure he hadn’t woken up by the noise, not wanting to disturb his brother. The younger boy stirred in his sleep but didn’t wake, and Chan breathed out a sigh of relief before slipping off to the bathroom to wash up.

He peeked into the kitchen to see if there was any food left and, upon seeing a few small pieces of stale bread and withered vegetables, mentally reminded himself to buy some groceries after work. After bundling up as best as he could and grabbing his keys and the job ads, Chan stuck his hands into his pockets and headed out.

After 2 hours and 11 different places, the only job he was qualified for and was able to fit into his schedule was a dishwashing and packing job at a small restaurant for 5,600 won an hour.

The ahjumma who owned the place had been apologetic when she saw his crestfallen expression at the salary but, being a small business, she really couldn’t afford to pay him any more than the minimum wage. Chan was disappointed but understanding, and accepted the job offer with a low bow before rushing off to his second job.

When he got the Chinese restaurant, he was scolded for being late and, after the sleepless night and tiring morning job hunt, Chan had to fight back the frustrated tears that began to prick his eyes. As he fitted his helmet on his head, he felt someone—the shopkeeper’s daughter?—tug on the back of his bag but he was too distracted to pay it any mind. It wasn’t until he made his first delivery was he able to stop to check his bag to find a small tin dosirak box tucked neatly between his things.

Chan felt his heart clench painfully at the small, kind gesture. He had gone to school with the girl and, although they barely knew each other beside a few cursory greetings, she had offered him the job at her family’s restaurant when she found out he needed to support his family due to his stepdad’s drinking problem.

At first, Chan refused the job, his pride wounded at people knowing about his family situation. He didn’t want to be the source of anyone’s pity or charity but he quickly figured out that beggars couldn’t be choosers.

The old Chan probably would’ve been too prideful to accept the food but the current Chan was infinitely grateful for whatever help he could get. Slipping it back into his bag, he decided to save it for Felix and set out to continue the rest of his deliveries.

It was a pretty busy day, as far as this job went, and he found himself running delivery after delivery without much time for rest besides his short 20-minute lunch break. After he made his last trip of his shift, he rode the motorbike back to the shop. Unfortunately, he wasn’t due to receive his paycheck until next week so, with a quick goodbye and bow to the shop owner, he started to head out. If he walked fast, he could do some grocery shopping and get home for dinner and a nap before he would have to start his shift at the convenience store.

Just as he stepped out onto the sidewalk, someone tugged on his jacket sleeve. When he turned around, he saw the girl—Park Chaeyoung, he remembered belatedly—holding out another dosirak for him to take.

“O-oh, no, it’s okay. One is m-more than enough, thank you.” Chan stammered, growing even more flustered when Chaeyoung frowned at the ground. “Did it taste bad? I’m sorry, I don’t cook very well even if my parents do own a restaurant.” She mumbled embarrassedly, holding onto the other tin box tightly.

“No! No, that’s not it,” Chan said, reaching out hesitantly to pat her on the shoulder rather awkwardly in an attempt to comfort her. “I’m sure it tastes good, I just…uh, I didn’t eat it. I was going to give it to my, uh, little brother.” He admitted, stuffing his hands into his pocket.

“Felix, right? The little one with the cute freckles?” Chaeyoung said, brightening up at the mention of the younger boy and at the implication that it wasn’t that her food tasted badly. Chan laughed softly at her description of him, nodding. “Here, then, now you guys can each have one. Please take it.” She held out the second dosirak again and, this time, Chan quietly accepted it, mumbling a shy thank you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Chaeyoung waved at him before turning to go back into the restaurant. “Wait!” Chan called out and she stopped, turning around to face him. He fidgeted with the box in his hands as he tried to think of the right words to say.

After repeatedly opening and closing his mouth a few times, he looked up at her. “Why are you being so nice to me? Why are you helping me?” Chan asked, trying his best to not sound hostile or ungrateful. He was extremely thankful for her kindness but he was confused as to why she would go out of her way to be nice to him especially when the rest of the world seemed content to leave him in the dust.

Chaeyoung smiled softly, shrugging lightly. “I don’t know. I know life’s been pretty hard for you and it must suck for you to have to drop out of school to work. I know you’re a good person, Chan, and you work really hard, and I think you deserve so much better than what the world has given you.” Her eyes shone with genuineness and Chan wanted to cry a little. “Besides, this is the least I can do to repay an old debt. Have a good day, Chan.” She said, slipping back into the restaurant with a mysterious smile before Chan could say anything else.

_Old debt?_ Chan frowned in thought, racking his brain for anything that he could link to Chaeyoung but he came up with nothing other than maybe having helped her with homework in the past, which definitely didn’t warrant such a cryptic comment. With a small shrug, he decided he would ask her about it tomorrow and he headed off to run his errands.

At the market, he headed to the same produce stall that he always went to, warmly greeting the grandma who worked there.

“Aigoo, Chan-ah, you’ve gotten so skinny. And look at these eye bags! You need to eat and sleep properly; how else are you going to grow?” The grandma exclaimed, pinching his cheek affectionately. “Halmeoni, I think I’ve been done growing for at least 2 years.” Chan laughed, albeit a little hollowly, as he carefully picked through the cheaper old vegetables, the ones too ugly or wrinkly for most people to buy.

His mother always went to this stall because the grandma treated her kindly and always sold the produce at a slight discount for her. There were a lot of times when she had slipped his mother a lollipop to give to Chan when he was younger, too, and Chan distinctly remembered sharing giggles with his mother whenever he got the blue raspberry flavor because he loved the way it dyed his tongue.

When Chan had to start running errands and doing the household chores because his mother had grown too sick to do them, she directed him to the grandma’s stall and reminded him to always be respectful. Ever since then, Chan had always bought his groceries from the grandma and he looked forward to seeing her even though seeing her reminded him of his mother and sometimes sent a painful pang through his heart.

Chan handed over the 10,000 won carefully with two hands, taking the bagged vegetables and putting them into his backpack as well. The grandma took the money but she pulled out a 5,000 won bill to give back to him as change.

“I-I definitely bought more than that.” Chan protested, knowing that money was pretty scarce for the grandma too, but she was adamant that he take it. She forcefully put the money into his hand, surprisingly strong for a tiny woman who had to be at least 85, curling his fingers around the bill. “No, take it, Channie. You’re not eating as much as you should be. You can buy some other food with it, yeah?” The grandma said and, for the second time that day, Chan was hit with a whirlwind of emotions.

Chan eventually took the money, bowing deeply to show his gratitude. The grandma just gave him a motherly smile, holding out two lollipops despite the fact he had long outgrown his childish sweet tooth. “For you and sweet little Felix.” She said, nudging him gently. Chan felt tears prick his eyes when he saw that they were blue raspberry flavored and he gave the grandma a warm hug before leaving.

As Chan set out for home, his backpack and heart were heavier than usual. He felt immense gratitude for all of the compassion that he had been shown today but, on the other hand, he also deep shame for not being able to do enough to provide for himself and Felix. He knew he was doing his best but he hated feeling so pathetic, knowing that his situation was nothing but pitiful.

He finally got home, feeling a little more weary than usual, but immediately felt better when he opened the door to the apartment and saw Felix. The younger boy slumped over the coffee table, the side of his face squished adorably against the scratched wooden surface. He had probably fallen asleep while studying, a notebook and several of Chan’s old textbooks open around him.

Chan easily scooped the younger boy up in his arms and set him on the couch to finish his nap while he put away the groceries and warmed up the food. He wasn’t surprised when Felix was roused by the smell of food, stumbling into the kitchen 30 minutes later as he rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“Hey, can you clean up your books? I’ll bring out dinner in a little bit.” Chan said, tousling Felix’s hair fondly. “Okay, hyung!” The younger chirped, stretching before scurrying to clear the coffee table.

Chan brought out the dosirak lunch boxes that Chaeyoung had made for them as well as some homemade kimchi from the jar that the grandma had managed to slip into his grocery bag. He felt another deep pang of guilt when he saw the way Felix’s eyes lit up at the food since, for the past few months, they had been eating mostly ramen or plain rice and old vegetables.

“Where’d all of this come from? Did you find another job?” Felix asked, picking up the tin box to look closely at the carefully arranged sausages, egg, and side dishes before he began to dig into his food. Chan had to pat him on the back a few times to remind him to eat slower so that he wouldn’t choke or get a stomachache later.

“I found a dishwashing job at that tiny little restaurant near the post office. It’s not much but I can probably use money from that job to pay rent and buy food while the money from the other jobs can go to paying off dad’s loans. The dosiraks are from Chaeyoung, Park ahjussi’s daughter.” Chan said, chewing slowly on his own food. He tried not to think about how his 3 part-time jobs probably _still_ wouldn’t be enough and that it would take him a very long time to pay off all of their debt.

“I can help out, hyung, really—” Felix began but Chan cut him off quickly, pinching his cheek. “I said no. You just worry about studying so that when you go back to school, you can get good grades. You can pay hyung back once you’ve graduated from a good college and get a good job.” He said, using the firmest tone he had.

Although Felix looked like he wanted to argue, he thankfully decided against it and they continued to eat in relative silence. Chan finished half of his dosirak before closing the box, deciding to save it for later. Felix looked up at him, bottom lip jutting out in an unintentionally-cute pout.

“Hyung, you really should finish your food. You’ve lost a lot of weight recently.” He murmured, looking down at his hands guiltily because he knew that Chan had been eating less to make sure that he would have enough to eat.

Chan bent down to press a quick kiss to the crown of Felix’s head, noticing his upset expression. “I’ll bring it to work later since I’ll probably get hungry then. I’m going to wash up and take a quick nap before my shift, though,  I think I need the sleep more right now.” He said, stopping by the kitchen where he set out the lollipops.

“Heads up!” Chan said, tossing one to the younger boy who caught it and looked up at him questioningly. “It’s from the halmeoni at the produce stand.”

“Wow, a dosirak, kimchi, _and_ candy today? It’s almost like it’s Christmas or something.” Felix joked lightly, carefully putting his lollipop into his sweater pocket to eat later.

Chan felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs at the younger’s seemingly innocent remark and he scrambled to get to the bathroom, shutting the door loudly behind him. He locked it before pressing his back against it, feeling his breath start to come out in gasps.

Clawing at his hair, Chan pulled tightly at the strands as he sank down to the ground. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes, but he bit down on his bottom lip to prevent any sounds from coming out.

_Worthless. So worthless._

The voice in Chan’s mind screamed insults at him and the lump in his throat grew bigger. He’d never been particularly fortunate but how? How had their life gotten this this point—where having a decent meal and a stupid lollipop was comparable to a holiday where most kids got mountains of materialistic presents?

A choked sob finally left  Chan’s lips, though he was quick to stuff his shirt sleeve in his mouth to muffle any subsequent sounds, not wanting to alarm Felix.

No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he worked, no matter how much he sacrificed… He would never be able to give Felix a life that the younger boy deserved. There would always be bills to pay and debts to pay off and life would never slow down enough for him to catch a breath.

Chan closed his eyes, silent tears streaming down his face.

He would never do enough. He would never _be_ enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introduction of our first side character, Chaeyoung (Blackpink's Rose)! She doesn't have a huge role in the story, but she'll be back later :) The first couple of chapters of will be pretty slow since I'm trying to get the backstory down, but it'll pick up in the future, I promise!! The fic is going to be centered mainly around Chan, but there might be sections/chapters in the future focusing on other characters and their backstories! 
> 
> Random notes: there's going to be a mix of f/f, m/m, & m/f relationships throughout this fic; Woojin doesn't show up until later, but I decided to put his and Chan's relationship in the tag now just so people know i guess lol
> 
> Please leave me comments, constructive criticism/suggestions, & kudos! See you next chapter! ♡


	3. Time is Running Out

Felix stared worriedly at the bathroom door, waiting for Chan to emerge. The older boy had been in the bathroom for 20 minutes and Felix could hear muffled noises that sounded suspiciously like crying but he was scared to knock, not wanting to upset Chan any further. Though Chan had moved fast, Felix was still able to catch the desperate and painful look in his eyes before he retreated to the bathroom.

With a deep sigh, Felix got up and cleared the table, busying himself with the dishes. Although he had never told Chan, it hurt him when the other withdrew and refused to share his emotions with him. Felix couldn’t help but feel useless every time he heard Chan cry whenever he thought Felix was sleeping or unable to hear.

All he wanted was to be able to support Chan as much as he did for the younger boy, especially since it was his father’s debt, but Chan seemed adamant on doing everything himself, not even wanting to rely on Felix in the slightest.

Felix had only confronted him about it once, accusing Chan of not trusting him and treating him like an unfortunate obligation like an unwanted baby, telling him that he made him feel like a burden.

When that incident only caused to drive Chan further into his shell, not speaking to him for days, for days, Felix broke down, apologizing and begging his older brother to not hate him. The older had held him close as Felix cried, telling him that he could never hate him and that he just wanted to protect him.

After that, Felix tried his best to be understanding and carefully skirted around topics that he knew Chan was sensitive about.

Chan finally emerged from the bathroom and, although Felix’s heart hurt when he saw the older’s red and swollen eyes, he gave him the biggest smile he could muster.

Chan returned the smile weakly as he came over to help dry the dishes but Felix nudged him gently. “You should take a nap so you don’t fall asleep at work. There’s not a lot of dishes and I’m almost done anyways.” He said brightly, breathing out a quiet sigh of relief when Chan nodded and plodded over to the couch without arguing. He collapsed onto the scratchy cushions and promptly fell asleep, the sound of his soft snores quickly filling the small living room.

After Felix finished with the dishes, he bustled around the apartment, tidying things up while Chan slept. When he checked the clock and saw that it was 6:45, he quickly shook the older awake so that he wouldn’t be late for work.

Chan groaned, sitting up as he felt the comfort of sleep leave him. He felt even more tired than before his nap and he wondered how he was going to get through his 7 hour shift. Felix scurried to get his jacket and he helped Chan put it on, even going over to grab his shoes and help lace them up for him.

Although he was glad that Chan was allowing his assistance, he couldn’t help but feel worried that he was being so complacent. Felix watched as Chan yawned, stretching as he stood and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

With a reminder for Felix to study and sleep early, as well as a quick, compulsory hug from the younger boy, Chan was out the door. He glanced at his watch, one of the only things leftover from his stepfather that was worth keeping, and picked up his pace so that he wouldn’t be late for work.

Thankfully, he got to the convenience store on time and dropped his backpack off in the backroom, tying the apron around his waist before getting behind the counter.

It was a surprisingly slow night for a Saturday, with only a handful of customers coming in, most of them merely rowdy teenagers who wanted to buy snacks.

As the hours ticked by, Chan grew increasingly alert and restless, his hand going down to trace the envelope of money that he had wedged into his front pocket. The closer it got to the end of his shift, the more he subconsciously kept reaching for the wad of money.

When the clock finally hit 2am, Chan had already started to break into a cold sweat and his hands shook as he untied his apron. He gathered his things and bowed to the ahjussi before he left the convenience store. Today, however, instead of turning right to go home, he made a left and went on his way.

After 30 minutes of walking, the streets began to get busier and brighter until he was in the heart of the city. Holding his head down low, he followed a familiar path until he stood at the head of the alley next to a nightclub, _Syren_.

Despite the fact that he had been coming here every week for the past 6 months, Chan was never able to get used to the loud, booming bass from inside the club that seemed to shake the entire street. He winced every time a drunk man or woman stumbled past and tried to subtly cover his nose with the sleeve of his jacket to block out the nauseating smell of alcohol, smoke, and throw up.

Finally, he heard his name being called from deep inside the narrow alleyway and he turned around. He was startled when Jennie’s slim figure emerge from the shadows, Byounggon’s unmistakable dark silhouette lurking threateningly a few yards behind her.

“Hi Chan. You have your deposit?” Jennie spoke softly, smiling apologetically at the way he jumped at the sound of her voice. Chan pulled the envelope of money out of his pocket, fumbling with it as he handed it over to her.

“I-it’s 300,000 won. Count again if you need to. Where’s Jeongin?” Chan asked, eyes darting nervously to Byounggon who had come up to stand only a foot behind Jennie, his tall body looming dangerously over hers as he watched her flick quickly through the wad of money.

“Oh, he’s out running an, um, _errand_.” Jennie said, lips pressed into a thin, fake smile. Byounggon raised an eyebrow at the way Chan visibly winced at her emphasis on the last word.

Jeongin was the one who usually met with Chan to receive his weekly payments towards his stepfather’s massive debt to the gang. He was young, much too young to be involved with such a dangerous group, with a mouthful of braces and an overly sunny disposition despite his situation.  Though Chan was originally put off when Jeongin started calling him hyung, unable to see past the fact that Jeongin was a part of the gang that he was indebted to, he had developed a fondness for the boy since a lot of Jeongin’s mannerisms reminded him of Felix. Chan hated the fact that someone so young was involved in a world so dark, but he mostly did menial little tasks, so Chan didn’t think it was too bad. To hear that the boy was now apparently out doing “errands”, though, sent a tremor of dread down Chan’s spine.

“You know, Hyung-nim’s getting tired of waiting.” Byounggon spoke up, his rough voice cutting through chilly night air. Though the weather was starting to warm up, it was still cold during the late night and early mornings and the thin fog coming from the older boy’s lips only served to make him look even more intimidating to Chan.

“B-but I’ve been paying it off! I’m doing the best I can—I got another job today! I’ll be able to pay off the debt faster, I-I promise! Just g-give me some time. Maybe I can get a fourth job? Or, m-maybe, Felix said he can get a job too,” Chan said, swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of the younger having to work. He shook his head, pushing the thought to the back of his mind, turning to look at Jennie desperately when he saw the look of disapproval in Byounggon’s eyes. “Please. I just need more time.” Chan pleaded.

Jennie softened when she heard the distress in his voice and opened her mouth to speak but Byounggon quickly cut her off. “Some time? How long do you think it’s going to take for you to pay off the debt? Your father borrowed a shit ton of money—do you _really_ think Hyung-nim is going to wait that long? Even if he was willing to, I doubt you’d last and then what’s going to happen to your precious little brother?” He said, lips curling back in a sneer.

“ _Gon_.” Jennie hissed, elbowing her brother sharply in the ribs but he barely even flinched at the hit. “I’m just being honest. Maybe your father should have thought things through before he borrowed all that damn money and I get that it sucks for you, but someone’s gotta pay it back, one way or another. Do you seriously think you could survive another year of living like this? Do you?” Byounggon said, dark eyes locking with Chan’s. His words were harsh, but Chan also knew that he had a point. The younger eventually turned his eyes to the ground, eyebrows furrowed as his unspoken answer hung between them.

_No._

Jennie jabbed Byounggon in his side again to shut him up before turning to Chan. “Listen,” She spoke softly, sympathy coloring her tone. “I know you’re really against this, but there’s really no other way. The boss is impatient and it’s a miracle that he’s let you off easy so far. It’s the best option for you—your father’s debt will be considered paid off, you’ll be getting a much better pay than all of your jobs combined, and you’ll be able to send your brother back to school. I know it’s a difficult decision to make. Just take some time to think about it, yeah?” She said, patting Chan’s arm gently in a stilted attempt to comfort him but it did little to calm his frazzled nerves.

She waited for Chan to nod before she whispered a quiet, “take care”, turning around and heading back down the alley towards the club’s concealed back entrance. Byounggon turned to follow his sister, stopping to glance at Chan over his shoulder.

“Just be careful not to take too much time. Hyung-nim has been awfully patient with you, but that patience is wearing thin. I wouldn’t want to be there when it runs out.” He said, before disappearing into the shadows.

Chan stood rooted to the sidewalk, staring numbly at the empty space where the pair were standing just moments ago.

It wasn’t until a large, drunk man stumbled into him and retched a foot away from where he stood did Chan snap out of it, hurrying to get away from the sickening smells and busy streets.

He didn’t slow down until he could no longer hear the pounding music or loud chattering of the crowds, eventually leaning over to vomit out the remnants of his dinner, his nerves finally getting to him.

Chan leaned against the wall of a rundown building, struggling to catch his breath. He realized that he should hurry home lest Felix worry and he let out a troubled sigh, dragging his feet as he walked home, heart heavy in his chest.

He was shaking by the time he got home and it took him several tries to get his key in the lock. The apartment was dark and quiet, Felix thankfully still asleep, and when he got in, he quickly shut the door behind him and sank to the floor, his back against the old wood and his knees pulled up to his chest.

Even with his face buried in his arms, Chan couldn’t ignore the ominously hollow sound of the clock on the wall.

_Tick tock, tick tock._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be asking, "Excuse me, author, but when will Chan's suffering end?" and the answer is "Uhhhhhhhhhh, well, you see about that..... I'm sorry..........................." LOL. Another assurance that he will get a happy ending eventually, but there is quite a lot of suffering ahead of him ㅠㅠ so angst-lovers, you're in luck!! Anyways, introducing Byounggon (from YG Treasure Box and C9BOYZ) & Jennie and quick mention of Jeonginnie :) The other SKZ boys will come in soon, I promise!
> 
> Random side notes: I was looking through a bunch of rookie girl groups for a girl with the last name Lee to be Byounggon's little sister (in my 1st version of this story, the characters were Monsta X's Shownu (Son Hyunwoo) & RV's Wendy (Son Seungwan) but there weren't any????) ALSO they (esp. Byounggon and Jeongin) are important characters, and you'll get more of their backstories later in the story!!
> 
> Please leave me comments!!!!! as well as constructive criticism and suggestions! See you next chapter! ♡


	4. I Swore I'd Always Protect You

_I wouldn’t want to be there when it runs out._

Byounggon’s last words to him rang loudly in his head and Chan was terrified, mind running through the million scenarios that could happen, each one worse than the last.

He remembered when he and Felix found out about their father’s massive debt. It had been a few weeks after he had passed away and they had woken up in the middle of the night to loud, rough bangs on the door of their old condo and the sounds of several men angrily screaming for Lee to show his face, cursing him for missing his past two payments and that he would pay dearly if he was trying to cross them.

The two boys had been so scared that they would break down the door and get to them but the men eventually left after several of the neighbors came out and threatened to call the police.

Chan and Felix had been huddled in the master bedroom bathroom with Felix curled up in the older’s arms, sobbing into his shirt. The younger hadn’t been able to calm down for nearly another two hours and, after that incident, he had been unable to sleep by himself even after they moved out of that house.  
When Chan had discovered that the men had belonged to the notorious 3 Stars gang, he was stunned. He had no idea that his stepfather had borrowed so much money for his business and his mother’s funeral, much less that he was crazy enough to get the money from a gang.

He knew he had to move out to get away from the loan sharks when he saw them lurking outside of their school, which was just as well since the rent was too expensive for Chan’s part-time job income, but he had no idea what to do after that. He wasn’t dumb enough to expect the gang to just drop the issue of his stepfather’s debt but he had no idea how he was supposed to pay it all back.

Chan and Felix had only spent a few days in their new home, lulled into a false sense of security, when a couple appeared on their doorstep. The couple turned out to be Ryujin and Minho, two of the members who had been tasked with finding Chan in order to have him pay the rest of his stepfather’s debt.

Minho was exceedingly cocky and seemed to feed off of Chan’s obvious discomfort and fear while Ryujin was charming on the surface with an underlying dangerous aura. She ended up taking Chan to Jennie to discuss his predicament and, after figuring out a payment schedule, he decided to make the difficult choice of dropping out of school in order to take on another job to pay off the debt.

Felix, seeing Chan drop out of school, had insisted that he drop out as well so that he could help. Chan initially refused to let Felix stop his schooling as well but he eventually conceded when he saw that the men from before continued to show up around their school. Chan was firmly against the idea of Felix getting a job, though, and instead had the younger boy stay home to study Chan’s old books so that he wouldn’t fall behind in school since he would inevitably be unable to return for an undetermined amount of time.

Chan had done everything in his power back then to make sure that Felix wouldn’t have to face the harsher side of life but, now, everything were starting to fall apart. He choked back a sob, slowly picking himself up from the ground, stumbling towards the bedroom to get some sleep since he knew he would have to be up early for his new job tomorrow.

Felix was in a deep sleep, as he should be since it was almost 3:30 in the morning, and Chan softened a little when he saw the younger boy resting so peacefully. He was unaware of just how deep the hell that Chan had been fighting against for the past few months was, and for that, the older was grateful. Even with Chan’s careful shielding, Felix had already been through more than a boy his age should.

Chan reached out and gently stroked the smaller boy’s bangs away from his face. He looked even younger than he normally did while he was asleep, almost cherubic, and it reminded Chan of the first time he met the younger boy.

 

  
_5 years ago_

_“Chan-ah! Sweetie, can I talk to you for a minute?”_

_12-year-old Chan burst out of his bedroom at the sound of his mother’s voice, shock on his face at seeing her in the hallway. It was dinnertime, but she was usually at work until well after he had fallen asleep so he was pleasantly surprised to see her. He threw his arms around his mother’s waist, squeezing tightly and beaming when she kissed his forehead._

_“Hey, I… I want you to meet someone. Well, two people.” His mother said, brushing his slightly unruly black curls with her fingers._

_Chan blinked, a little confused but nodded anyways and allowed himself to be lead out into the living room where he saw a man sitting on their worn couch. There was a small tuft of hair peeking out from behind the man’s shoulder but the person who it belonged to was resolutely hiding behind the man’s body, determined to not be seen despite the fact that Chan could see the little fingers gripping onto the man’s sweater._

_When the man saw Chan, he stood up quickly and approached him with what could only be described as a fatherly smile. Chan bowed respectfully before shaking the man’s outstretched hand all the while staring at his mother with puzzled eyes._

_She gestured for him to sit down on the couch as she took a seat on the single seat, the man moving to stand behind her with his hands on her shoulder. Chan plopped down on the couch and looked over just in time to see a small, chubby cheeked boy staring at him with big eyes. When they made eye contact, the other boy squeaked and covered his face with his hands._

_Chan turned back to his mother and the man, eyes widening a little when he saw that his mother was now holding the man’s hands._

_“Baby, this is Lee Yonghyun and that’s his son Felix. He’s four years younger than you. He’ll be coming to your school next year.” She said, gesturing to the blushing boy on the other end of the couch. Felix refused to meet Chan’s eyes, instead wringing his hands nervously, so Chan turned back to his mother._

_“I met him a while ago a-and I’ve been seeing him for several months now,” She began to say, her voice shaking a little. Chan wanted to protest but he bit down on his tongue, knowing that his mother had sacrificed more than enough for him and deserved at least some privacy. He swallowed his words and nodded, prompting her to continue._

_“I want to marry your mother, Chan. But we wanted to make sure that it was okay with you before we go through with that.” Yonghyun spoke up. Chan’s mother turned to look at him and he squeezed her shoulders comfortingly. “I wanted to tell you earlier, sweetie, but I just wanted to be sure of everything. I know it’s been just us two for a very long time but I just…” She trailed off, clearly nervous._

_Chan got up and gave his mother a big hug, kissing her cheek, before pulling away to look at her. “You deserve to be happy, Mom. If this it, then I’m happy for you.” He said gently. She let out a shaky laugh of relief, pulling him back into a hug before turning to look at Yonghyun with a bright smile._

_The adults went into the kitchen to make tea and talk, leaving Chan and Felix to sit awkwardly out in the living room. Chan watched his mother fondly as she conversed with her new soon-to-be-husband. He had noticed that she had been noticeably happier recently and, now that he saw her with Yonghyun, he had never seen her smile so much before._

_Feeling much more at ease, he turned to the younger boy who still looked wildly uncomfortable and slightly terrified as he cowered into the side of the couch._

_“Hey, you wanna go to my room?” Chan offered. Felix looked up at him, blinking at him owlishly a few times before quietly following the older to his room._

_“It’s kind of small but it’s better than watching our parents flirt, huh?” Chan asked, chuckling awkwardly as he plopped down on his bed. Felix chewed on his lip, standing stiffly by the door. Chan motioned for him to sit down on the end of his bed but the younger boy merely shuffled over to the rickety chair by his desk, sitting down gingerly._

_Chan couldn’t help but think that the younger boy was so ridiculously cute. He knew the Felix was only four years younger, but his small stature and chubby cheeks littered with freckles made him seem so much younger and Chan smiled at the thought of having a sibling._

_“Did you know about it? My mom and your dad, I mean.” Chan said, propping his head up in his hand as he watched the other. Felix shook his head, still chewing on his bottom lip. “Are you okay with it?” The older prompted and Felix nodded, choosing not to speak._

_He tried his best to get the other boy to speak more than a few words to him for the rest of the day but he proved unsuccessful. Still, as the two left the house that day, Felix flashed a small smile at Chan before scurrying away and the older grinned, feeling a small sense of satisfaction bloom inside of himself._

_As his mother and Yonghyun spent the next few months preparing for the wedding, Chan tried his best to get closer to Felix. Although, at first, the effort was mostly for his mother’s sake, he soon grew to be fond of the younger boy and enjoyed the idea of being an older brother. Unfortunately for him, Felix was incredibly shy and reserved, not speaking much and generally seemed to be almost afraid of the older boy._

_It wasn’t until one day, when Yonghyun and Felix were scheduled to have dinner at their house, that Chan found out why the younger was so skittish._

_He had just gotten home from school when his mother asked him if he could go get Felix from his school since Yonghyun had to stay at work a little later and she didn’t want Felix to be walking by himself. Chan was a little annoyed because he wanted to take a nap before dinner but, seeing his mother’s expectant look, he obeyed and decided he would just use this time to try to get the younger to open up to him._

_When he got to Felix’s middle school, the younger boy was nowhere to be seen among the groups of kids pouring out from the entrance. After asking around, he headed off to the gym where a couple kids say they saw the small boy go._

_Chan was a little confused since Felix didn’t seem like the type of boy to enjoy any type of physical activity but as he opened the double doors to the gym, his confusion melted into anger._

_Felix was in the center of a group of 4 older boys and was being shoved around violently as they hurled insults at him; rude snipes about his height and awful comments about him not having a mother. His backpack was several yards away, the papers strewn all across the hardwood floor. Chan stared in shock until one of them pushed Felix to the ground and he let out a pained yelp._

_“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Chan shouted and he stormed across the gym, grabbing the first boy he saw and shaking him, fisting the collar of the other boy’s shirt. Felix curled up on the ground in a fetal position, shaking with silent cries, as the other boys ran at the sight of the furious older boy._

_“I-I… I-I just. W-we just.” The bully stuttered, eyes wide with terror when he saw the anger in Chan’s eyes. The older boy turned to look at Felix before shoving the other away in disgust. “You guys better not touch Felix ever again!” He snarled and the bully nodded before turning and hightailing it out of there._

_Chan softened when he saw how shaken Felix was and he pulled the younger boy in a hug, trying to soothe him. It took him a while to get the younger boy to calm down enough so that they could start walking home._

_Before they entered the house, Felix grabbed onto Chan’s sweater sleeve. “Please don’t say anything. My dad doesn’t know.” He whimpered, fear glistening in his eyes._

_The older boy wanted to yell at him for not telling anybody about how he was being bullied at school but he refrained from doing so, not wanting to scare the younger boy. He nodded shortly before going inside the house, Felix following closely behind._

_Dinner was a slightly tense affair but, luckily, the adults were too into their own little world to notice. Chan went into his room after they finished eating, dragging the younger boy with him. He pushed Felix to sit on his bed before fishing out a first aid kit from the bathroom and settling down to carefully put ointment and band-aids over the cuts and bruises that littered the younger boy’s skin underneath his clothes._

_“Thank you, hyung.” Felix whispered once Chan was finished._

_Chan smiled when he heard the word “hyung” and he pulled Felix into a gentle embrace._

_“No problem, Felixie. I’m going to be your brother now. I’ll always be here for you, okay? I’m going to protect you now, I promise.” Chan said sincerely and Felix beamed at him in response, finally opening up to Chan._

 

When Felix had smiled at him that night,  the biggest smile Chan had ever seen on his face since meeting him, Chan swore to himself to always keep that promise—to protect Felix from whatever he had to face in the future.

From the bullies at school who picked on him for being too small, to his own father during his drunken rages, to the loan sharks who were thirsty for money and blood—Chan swore to do everything he could to protect him.

And now, as he stood with the threat of the gang looming over his shoulders, he was even more determined to keep that promise.

Chan slipped into bed next to Felix, not even bothering to wash up, and held the younger boy close. Felix snuggled into Chan’s bigger body in his sleep and Chan felt a stray tear slip out of one eye.

He had made a promise to Felix and it was one that he intended to keep—no matter what the cost was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to my (few lol BUT VERY APPRECIATED) readers!!! Sorry for the super long wait, I was caught up with the end of the school year and then life just got busy in general, but I'm back!! And the next chapter won't take as long (hopefully)!! There's still not much going on, just trying to give you more background about their whole situation, but it will start to pick up in the next chapter! Hope you guys aren't too bored with the slow build lol I'm working on it!!!
> 
> Please leave me comments!!!!! as well as constructive criticism and suggestions! See you next chapter! ♡


	5. Closing In

The next few months were hellish for Chan as he threw himself into his 3 jobs in order to pay off the debt. Felix was worried sick as he watched Chan get thinner and paler as the time went by. No matter how much he tried to help the older boy, he continued to refuse his assistance and Felix felt completely helpless.

Chan was growing more and more anxious as he continued to make his biweekly payments because he knew that he wasn’t making enough but he had no idea what else he could do without working himself to death. He was relieved that Jeongin was back to being the one to meet him, though he did notice that the younger boy would appear with a few injuries every now and then and the sight stressed him out more than it should.

Around the fourth month after he had had that talk with Jennie and Byounggon, he noticed that he would catch random glimpses of them and some of the other members during the day. He would see Ryujin casually waiting at the bus stop down the street of his morning job. He would accidentally bump into Minho on his way to the Chinese restaurant. Jeongin would visit the convenience store where he worked and occasionally come in with a few other boys.

It came to the point where Chan became slightly paranoid. He had only met a few of the members besides the large burly loan sharks who had come by the old house and school, but he knew that there were plenty of other members like Minho, Ryujin, and Jeongin—high school and college-aged kids who were seemingly harmless on the surface and blended easily into every day crowds, but who also stared at him for too long, their eyes sharp and knowing.

His suspicions were confirmed when he was coming home one day from work, tired to the bone and wanting nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep for a year. Bleary with exhaustion, he didn’t notice the three people standing outside of his apartment building door until he ran right into one of them.

Chan stumbled back, groggy, but quickly snapped into clarity when he was met with three ice cold stares. There was a girl and two boys blocking him from entering the building and, though they looked like your average rebellious teenagers, Chan knew better.

“Hyung-nim doesn’t have much patience left, Chan-ssi.” The boy in the middle drawled, lazily playing with the rings around his fingers. He was tall and stocky and Chan gulped at the sight of the cuts and scraped littering his knuckles. He slung his arm around the girl’s shoulders, his roughness added to his threatening demeanor.

“It’s not a terribly difficult choice, y’know. I know you’re the self-righteous type but this,” The girl gestured vaguely to the three of them. “Is a whole lot better than whatever the fuck is going to happen to you if the Boss gets tired of playing with his prey. Right, Hun?” She cocked her eyebrow at the first boy, popping the gum in her mouth to punctuate the end of her sentence and smirking when Chan flinched.

He turned to the third boy, expecting him to add in on the threats, but he merely stared blankly at Chan. Somehow, his silence and the calculating look in his eyes scared Chan more than whatever the other two had to say.

“Boss is never this patient. He’s been merciful to you. Take advantage of it while you can.” Seunghun said, clearing his throat before pushing off from the brick wall that he was leaning against.

“Seriously, stop overthinking it. Yeah, your life sucks right now but it’s going to get worse if you don’t just join. You have the potential to do really well if you join us—that’s the only reason the Boss has been so patient with you.” The girl said, raising a sharp eyebrow.

Chan cringed at the thought of the gang leader seeing _potential_ in him and the three of them knew that he wouldn’t give in today.

“Come on, Yeji. We need to be at the warehouse soon. Joohyun noona is going to kill me if I’m late again.” Seunghun muttered, starting to turn away, having said all that he was sent to say.

“We’ll give you more time but just remember—the Boss is not God. He doesn’t give unless he’s expecting something in return so if you’re not going to give him what he wants, you’re going to have hell to pay.” Yeji added, her steely grey eyes softening just for a fraction of a second before hardening again, sharply turning on her heel and following Seunghun.

The third boy stood where he was, eyes still boring into Chan’s skull and he felt like he wanted to throw up with how nauseatingly petrified he was.

“Midam! Come _on_!” Yeji turned back to call out to the quiet boy. He gave Chan a quick once-over before finally leaving to join the other two.

Chan watched them disappear into the shadows of the night before he rushed into the building and up the stairs. This was the first time that any of them had come near his home since the first encounter with Ryujin and Minho and he was scared because that was the one place he thought he could keep Felix safe. His forehead had broken out into cold sweat and his teeth chattered as if he had been dunked into an ice-cold lake and he had to wait outside of his apartment to regulate his breathing before going in. 

After that, it became obvious to him that more and more members were tailing him and they were starting to close in. He would see Seunghun and Yeji standing in one of the alleys that he passed by on his way to work, casually smoking as if they always hung out there. Midam and another boy would routinely come into the convenience store instead of Jeongin, their presence infinitely more hostile than the other younger boy who would occasionally buy snacks and chat with Chan while he was there. Even Jennie and Byounggon stopped by the restaurant a few times, sometimes just by themselves and other times with a few others. While she would always order some food and chat with Chan, Byounggon spent the entire time watching Chan’s every move with his usual cold and calculating stare.

Chan started to cut back even more on food, barely eating anything, in a desperate attempt to have more money to put towards the debt. Felix noticed and, one evening at dinner, he pushed away his reservations, begging Chan to eat more, to stop worrying so much, and to let him help out with his burdens.

Stressed out almost to the point of insanity, Chan exploded, unleashing all of his frustrations on the poor younger boy.

“You keep saying that you want to help out but you don’t even know what that _means_! Keeping up with your studies is helping. Eating what I give you and getting enough sleep is helping. Staying home where _I can know you’re safe_ is helping! Pestering me and stressing me out even more is _not_ helping!” Chan burst out, pacing around the small living room and pulling at his hair in frustration.

Felix cowered against the back of the couch as if he was trying to dissolve into the ratty cushions. Tears pricked his eyes and started to stream down his flushed cheeks in steady rivulets as he chewed on his bottom lip to prevent any sounds coming out. This was the angriest he had ever seen Chan and it terrified him even more to know that he was the one who provoked it.

“Do you know what I’ve been through over this past year? Do you know how tired and sick and weary and utterly exhausted I’ve been? I’ve been doing all of this shit for _you_! I’ve been dragged to hell and back for _you_! I’ve been trying to protect _you_ from all of this fucking madness so the least you can do is trust me and shut the hell up!” Chan snarled, finally turning to look at Felix.

The rest of his tirade died on the tip of his tongue when he saw Felix with his sweater sleeves stuffed into his mouth to keep himself from making any noise. The younger boy’s face was streaked with tears and he was visibly trembling with fear.

Chan felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach and all of his previous anger was washed out of his system by a flood of regret and guilt. He took a small step towards Felix but immediately stopped when he saw Felix flinch and a small whimper escape from his lips.

“Lix, I-I’m so sorry.” Chan tried to speak as softly as he could but his voice came out in a raspy whisper. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s not your fault, I-I’ve just been so stressed. I’m so, so sorry, Felix-ah. I never should’ve gotten angry at you, it was wrong of me.” He got on his knees as he inched closer to Felix, hoping that his lowered stance would make him seem less threatening.

Felix shut his eyes tightly and tried to press even further into the couch, acutely aware of the sound of the older boy getting closer. He let out another whimper when he felt Chan reach up to try to take his hands into his and he pulled away, covering his face with his hands.

“Felix-ah, please look at hyung. P-please. I’m sorry for yelling at you, I was wrong. Please don’t cry, it’s not your fault. I’m just so stressed out and I just exploded. I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault. Hyung is a bad person, I’m sorry. Lix, please look at me. Please.” Chan pleaded, now on the verge of tears.

The younger boy slowly pulled his hands away from his eyes but they stayed by the lower half of his face where he chewed on one of his shirt sleeves nervously. He tried to look at Chan, but his teary eyes kept darting around the room and he looked like he was going to burst into tears again.

Chan glanced at the clock and cursed when he saw that he was already 10 minutes late for work. He looked back at Felix desperately, not wanting to leave the younger boy when he was so upset, but he knew he had no choice.

He slowly got up and went to grab his things, hands shaking as he zipped up his jacket. He turned to Felix and reached out to touch his face but stopped himself when he saw him flinch. Swallowing thickly, Chan slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed for the door. He glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Felix get up from the couch and dart into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

It took Chan almost all of his willpower to not follow the younger boy and continue to plead him for forgiveness but the weight of the gang’s threats still hovered over his head and he rushed off to work.

He couldn’t stop thinking of the absolutely petrified look in Felix’s eyes and he died a little inside when he thought of how he was the reason for Felix’s tears. Chan replayed the scenario at dinner in his head over and over again until he thought he was going to start crying or pass out.

For once, he was looking forward to seeing Woong, who he had found out was the name of the boy who often accompanied Midam. Although Midam was eerily silent as always and always unnerved Chan greatly with his disconcerting stares, Woong was extremely talkative and was oddly bubbly, joking around, completely unaffected by his partner’s quietness.

The hours passed, however, and neither of the boys came  in. Their absence made Chan jittery, feeling as though something else was going to happen. He swore that he could feel eyes watching him from outside of the convenience store and the paranoia made him nauseous.

His shift had almost ended and he was ready to breathe out a sigh of relief when the doorbell jingled, signaling a new customer. Chan looked up and his breath caught in his throat when he saw a vicious-looking man, about in his late 30’s, enter the store.

He looked extremely out of place as he casually perused the aisle in his suit. He innocently examined a few snacks before placing them back and moving onto another section of the convenience store but he would stop to lock eyes with Chan every few minutes, sending a wave of utter fright through the boy.

Eventually, the man came up to the counter with a single red lollipop in his hand and he waited for Chan to tell him the price.

“Th-that’ll b-b-be 500 won.” Chan stammered, heart pounding violently in his chest. He felt a dizziness wash over him when the man reached into the side pocket of his jacket, revealing what appeared to be a large patch of dried blood on the side of his white shirt.

Chan was startled out of his reverie when the man tossed the coin onto the counter with a loud noise. He picked the coin up with clammy hands and bowed to the man, politely thanking him for his service despite the fact that his stomach was rolling and he was feeling light-headed.

The man popped the lollipop into his mouth and walked to the front of the convenience store. He pushed open the door, glancing over his shoulder one last time to look at Chan.

When they made eye contact, the man gave him a wicked smirk and chuckled lowly before disappearing into the night.

As soon as the man left, Chan sprinted for the bathroom and he collapsed onto the dirty tile floor, immediately vomiting into the toilet. Wiping his face crudely, he brought his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth, too scared to even cry.

He didn’t have much time left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this?????? A fast update!?!?!?!?! Who am I!?!!?!?  
> I know this is a pretty slow build and that I've been promising that it'll pick up soon, but this chapter is going to get the ball rolling! Also, quick little cameos/introductions to more members (Yeji from ITZY, Seunghun from YG Silverboys/CIX, Midam from YG Silverboys/PDX101, and Woong from YG Silverboys/AB6IX)! I decided to not tag the groups/fandoms in this fic until the character plays a significant role in the fic. You'll get more of the other Stray Kids later, but (spoiler? not really) not all of them are going to be in the gang, so you'll just have to wait and see :))))   
> Next update won't be as fast (I was feeling extra motivated this time) but hopefully won't be too long of a wait
> 
> Please leave me comments, constructive criticism/suggestions, & kudos! See you next chapter! ♡  
> (Especially comments bc I love reading/replying/making friends!!!!!)


	6. Make a Choice

When Chan managed to get home from work, he felt as if he was going to pass out. His legs felt like jelly and there were black spots swimming along the edges of his vision making it hard for him to stay standing without leaning against the wall for support. He shuffled down the short hallway to the bedroom and checked on Felix.

The younger boy was curled up in the corner of the bed, taking up a tiny amount of space, and Chan choked back a sob at how small and fragile the other looked. He was still trembling, although it was much less than before, and he kept making small whimpering sounds in his sleep, clearly suffering from some sort of nightmare.

Chan wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed and comfort his brother, and be comforted in return, but he still felt so guilty for his earlier outburst and didn’t think he would be able to handle it if Felix pushed him away. Instead, he leaned in and carefully wiped a stray tear from the corner of Felix’s eye, making sure the boy was tucked in securely before he left to sleep in the living room.

Things were tense between Chan and Felix for a week after the older boy’s outburst and, although Chan understood why Felix was so sensitive, it didn’t hurt him any less every time the younger boy shied away from his touches or flinched whenever he spoke.

Chan had taken to sleeping on the couch in the living room, even though it made his back ache in the morning, wanting to give the other as much space as he needed.

When the younger would thrash around and cry out in his sleep, plagued by another nightmare, Chan would slip into the room to hold him close, whispering soft assurance and pressing kisses into the downy hair. Once Felix had calmed down, Chan would tuck him back into bed before slipping back out.

Going to work was like torture for Chan and he was constantly paranoid, feeling as though there was somebody lurking in the corners, waiting to pop out and snatch him to drag him into the shadows. After work, he would always rush home as fast as he could, half-expecting to see the apartment door kicked in and Felix missing.

The paranoia had set in so badly that Chan almost had a heart attack when Felix spoke to him almost two weeks after his outburst, breaking the icy silence in the apartment.

“H-hyung, you should s-s-sleep.” Felix said quietly. His voice was raspy with disuse since he hadn’t talked to Chan and he had no one else to speak to at home.

Chan’s head whipped around to stare at him with a bewildered expression, eyes wide as if he had difficulty comprehending what Felix was saying.

Felix frowned when he saw the haggard look in the older boy’s eyes. He had noticed that Chan had been noticeably on edge ever since he came back from work that night but he just assumed that he was still upset about what had happened.

As the days went by, however, Felix noticed that the older had been steadily unraveling. He ate even less than before, which Felix thought was impossible, and barely slept at all. The dark bags under his eyes deepened, a stark contrast against the sickly pallor that his skin had taken on. It seemed like he always ran home from work because he would burst through the door, panting as if he had just run a marathon, and would visibly relax when he saw Felix in the living room or kitchen. Chan even stopped taking naps during his breaks between work despite the fact that he was clearly exhausted and would instead meticulously keep an eye on Felix or pace around in the living room.

Even now, Chan looked frenzied and he was fiddling with his hands nervously as if the only thing that was keeping his anxiety at bay was his incessant pacing.

“S-sleep. Take a nap. I-it’ll help.” Felix insisted, trying his best to maintain eye contact.

Chan looked conflicted and his eyes darted around the room. He knew he was too tense to actually fall asleep but he wanted to appease the younger boy and thought that lying down might allow him to relax a little, so he shuffled over to the couch to lay down.

He was surprised when Felix came up and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, tugging on it to lead him to the bedroom where he was pushed down onto the mattress.

Their bed was old and the springs were squeaky but after a week of sleeping on their ratty couch, it felt almost cloud-like. Despite his apprehension, Chan felt his eyelids drooping and his body succumbing to the pent-up exhaustion. The last thing he saw was Felix’s worried face before he fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.

When Chan’s breathing evened out, Felix let out a sigh of relief. He knew that the older desperately needed some rest and was surprised that his stubborn older brother didn’t put up much of a fight.

Now that Chan was sleeping, Felix allowed himself to sit down next to him, reaching out to gently smooth out the furrow between the older’s eyebrows.

He watched him as he slept, extra careful not to disturb him. The time for Chan to get ready for work came much too fast and, although Felix wanted to let him catch up on his sleep, he was scared that Chan would be upset at him for not waking him up, so he shook the older to rouse him.

Chan shot up, hand coming out to grasp Felix’s hand that was resting on his shoulder. After a few seconds of staring at each other, almost as if Chan needed to confirm that Felix was, in fact, alive and breathing, Chan got up to get ready. He left for work wordlessly, leaving Felix to wallow alone in his thoughts and worries in the quiet apartment.

He knew that Chan had been coming in at night to hold him through his nightmares, having woken up one night just as the older pressed a soft kiss to his forehead before leaving the room, and he felt bad for being a contributing factor towards Chan’s weariness.

Felix sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and set about cleaning the house to take his mind off of things. He wanted to stay up to wait for Chan to come home but he ended up falling asleep, .

When Chan got home, he easily scooped Felix up in his arms and brought him to the bedroom. As he turned away, he felt a small hand catch his wrist and pull him back. He turned around and caught sight of Felix looking up at him with glassy eyes, his lower lip jutting out in a pout.

Chan’s lips turned down at the edges, confused at what the other wanted. He smoothed down Felix’s wayward tufts of hair with one hand, trying to soothe him to go back to sleep, but the younger continued to tug on Chan’s arm, pulling him down to the bed. Understanding, Chan pressed a kiss to the other’s forehead and quickly went to wash up before returning to the room.

He hesitantly slid under the covers, laying down on the edge of the bed. He didn’t relax until Felix reached over to bring him closer, curling up to the warmth of his body. Chan smiled, wrapping an arm securely around the other’s body, and fell asleep.

In the morning, Chan woke up after the best sleep he had had in ages and although he was tempted to snooze the alarm clock and go back to sleep, he knew he couldn’t and carefully peeled Felix’s arms away from where they were tightly wrapped around his waist.

Chan quickly got dressed and washed up and headed out to work. He stuffed his hands into his pocket, turning his head to look into the alley where Yeji and Seunghun would usually be casually loitering. Chan had gotten used to Seunghun’s threatening frame, which Yeji had insisted was just a façade and that he was just a big teddy bear, and her flirtatious remarks despite the fact that Seunghun told Chan that she was “as gay as the day was long”.

He was surprised when he saw that the only person in the alley was an old drunk man, peeing on the wall. He cringed at the sight and picked up his pace, an uneasy feeling settling deep into his bones at the absence of the other two.

Chan was jittery during his first two jobs as time ticked on and he didn’t encounter any of the other members. Whereas before, his routine was littered with sightings of them, familiar faces like Byounggon or Ryujin as well as unfamiliar faces, all with the same set of cold and calculating eyes and forced smiles.

Today, however, not a single one of them showed up and the unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach grew to feel like a fearful weight in his gut. He remembered that when Midam and Woong didn’t show up to the convenience store, that suspicious man had come in their place, and couldn’t shake the bad feeling away.

After he finished his last delivery, Chan sprinted home, getting back in record time. He fumbled with his keys for a little bit before fitting it into the doorknob but he found that he didn’t even need to turn the key to open the door, heart lodged in his throat.

He pushed the door open slowly, freezing momentarily when he heard the sound of two unfamiliar voices. His adrenaline kicked into over drive as he snapped back into reality and burst into the house.

“Felix? Felix!” Chan cried out, desperation clear in his voice.

Felix ran out from the kitchen at the sound of the older’s voice and Chan let out a loud sigh of relief, thinking that he had imagined the two deep voices and immediately pulled the younger into a hug, squeezing the breath out of him.

“Hyung? What’s wrong?” Felix asked, confused.

Chan opened his mouth to reply but two suited men emerged and he immediately recognized one of them as the man who had come into the convenience store a week ago. He bristled, quickly stepping in front of Felix to shield him even though he knew that the men would have no problem killing them both.

“Hey, hey, Chan, no need to be defensive. I know we haven’t met yet but I work for Mr. Moon. Remember? You applied for that job at our company a while ago.” The first man drawled casually, a deceptively charming smile on his face. The second man, the one who had visited Chan at work, was smirking, making no real attempt to hide his ill intent. The first man subtly jabbed him in the stomach to reprimand him before continuing.

“Anyways, sorry that it took so long to get back to you, but Mr. Moon would love to have you be a part of the team. It’s only a starting position and it’ll be hard at first but I think that, with some time and determination, you’ll be able to climb up the ranks.” He said, sugarcoated words tumbling easily from his wide, friendly smile. Chan couldn’t help but shudder at how believable everything sounded.

Chan stood frozen, unable to speak around the lump in his throat. Felix tugged on his shirt and he turned to look at the younger boy, wincing at how hopeful his brother looked..

“You should take the job, hyung. They came earlier while you were still at work and they were telling me about it. You wouldn’t have to work as much as you do now and you’d make so much more money, so it wouldn’t be so hard on you.” Felix said softly.

The two men watched on with twin grins and Chan wanted to scream at how awful this situation was turning out.

Felix turned down to look at the floor, the ends of his mouth turning down into a frown. “I know you’ve been doing a lot to support me but you’d never be able to put me through school, especially since you didn’t even get to finish school yourself. It’s hard to get a good job without even a high school degree and I feel bad for not being able to help out.” He mumbled before looking up with hope in his eyes. “This new job could be good for the both of us!”

“What a smart boy.” The second man leered, eyes twinkling with a sinister mirth.

Chan’s eyes darted from Felix to the two men several times before he turned fully to the other men, clearing his throat. “I-I’ll have to think about it.” He managed to choke out.

“Of course, of course! It is a big decision to make, after all. Just know this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you, so don’t take too long!” The first man chuckled loudly, heading towards the door. “We’ll see ourselves out. You know where to find us!”

Felix bowed to the men politely as they walked past before disappearing into the hallway to go to the bedroom. As soon as the younger boy disappeared, the second man grabbed Chan by the collar of his shirt.

“I don’t know why Hyung-nim has been so generous to you and I personally don’t give a shit about what you decide to do, but that boy won’t be half as cute when he’s dead so you better think long and hard about this. You got 3 days, boy.” He snarled and Chan nodded frantically, overwhelmed by the strong scent of cigarettes. The man let go of him and stormed out, the other man holding the door open for him.

“Have a wonderful rest of your day.” The first man said pleasantly before closing the door behind him.

Chan looked down at his hands and realized that he was shaking violently, the encounter proving to be too much for him. He sank down on the couch, trying to get a hold of his bearings.

“Hyung, can you help me with this?”

Chan whipped his head around to the direction of Felix’s voice. “Coming!” He called out, getting up slowly and wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. He started to head for the bedroom before pausing, turning around to make sure the front door was locked, pulling the deadbolt across securely until he heard the telltale loud click.

It did little to ease his mind, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dundundunnnnnnnnn!! So, things are back to being okay between Felix & Chan, but things aren't actually ~okay~ because that'd be too easy, of course :) The action is finally going to kick in SOON! I've been working on the next few chapters because I don't wanna leave any of my readers hanging for tooooo long and I know there hasn't been that much going on, but there might be a few more filler chapters where I start to introduce more characters, including more of the Stray Kids!!! plus other idol cameos. (Lemme know if there are any particular idols you wanna see!) 
> 
> Thank you to all of my readers, and a special thanks to the ones who left comments on my last chapter!!! :)  
> Please leave me comments, constructive criticism/suggestions, & kudos! See you next chapter! ♡


	7. Giving Up and Giving In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of anxiety, character death (in a nightmare)

That night, for the first time since he had started working to support his family, Chan didn’t go to work. Despite his conscious screaming at him and his every instinct itching to go because _money is money and you need money and every second that you’re not working is a second wasted not making money_ , he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stand through his shift without passing out from nerves so he eventually decided to call in sick, figuring that he could use the time to think.

 

Felix was overjoyed that Chan would be at home for the night, unable to remember the last time he was actually able to just see his brother for more than two hours between jobs (excluding at night, when Chan returned home to sleep) and he hovered around him wherever he went in the apartment. He had never gotten used to being alone in the house, despite the fact that he had been doing it for a while now, and wanted to take advantage of the situation.

 

Chan was still on edge but Felix was being so clingy and affectionate to him that it helped distract him from the millions of thoughts that were clouding up his brain.

 

The two of them cleaned up around the house together before settling down at the coffee table to study with Chan’s old schoolbooks scattered around them. Felix dutifully went through a chapter each of the Math and English textbooks, carefully answering the questions with a little bit of Chan’s help.

 

Chan smiled softly as he watched how diligently Felix studied, heart blooming at how innocent he looked. The younger boy’s lower lip was jutting out in a pout at a particularly hard question and, though he looked rather serious, Chan couldn’t help but laugh at how cute he looked.

 

The rest of their night passed by smoothly and they found themselves getting ready for bed a little past 10. Chan couldn’t remember the last time he had been able to sleep this early, and he and Felix brushed their teeth together, their elbows poking into each other’s sides teasingly. They shoved each other jokingly to see who could spit into the sink first and Chan let Felix win but he thought the bright, foamy grin on the younger’s face was worth the small amount of toothpaste that he accidentally swallowed.

 

In bed, Felix didn’t hesitate to curl right up against Chan’s side, savoring his body heat and using the older’s chest as a pillow. Chan had the bedside lamp on and he was reading one of his old school books from his Korean Culture and History class.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Hm?” Chan looked away from his book to see Felix peering up at him with big eyes. The boy squirmed a little at the attention and snuggled closer. He didn’t answer so Chan turned back to his book, reading quietly for a few more minutes.

 

“I like it when you’re home.” Felix mumbled, his words slightly muffled by Chan’s shirt. “I’ve missed you.”

 

Chan felt the tug on his heartstrings, reaching out with one hand to lightly tousle Felix’s bangs. He laughed softly at Felix’s whine of protest, ruffling his hair even more to spite him. They settled back down and Chan thought Felix had fallen asleep when he spoke up again.

 

“Hyung, if you take the new job, they said you’d have more time to be home with me.” Felix said, hope shining in his eyes. Chan felt his throat constrict a little but he forced another smile, knowing that Felix had no idea what the new job really entailed.

 

“I don’t know, Lix. I mean, this new job is a lot more, uh, complicated than it seems. There’s just so much to consider; I have some time to think about it though.” Chan said, frowning as he thought more and more about the weight of taking on the job.

 

Felix sat up to face him and Chan set the book aside to give the younger his undivided attention.

 

“I know it’s probably really complicated and I could never understand but I still think you should take it. Like I said before, you’ve been working so much and I’m really worried about you.” Felix gnawed nervously on his bottom lip and Chan had to stop him before his lip bled. “You started working so early, and now you’re even working 3 jobs just to pay my dad’s debt and take care of me. You barely eat or sleep and it’s not healthy, hyung. You’ve sacrificed so much for me; you should take this job for yourself. If you won’t have to work as many hours and if you’re going to make more money, you shouldn’t worry about the other stuff. I really think it’ll be better for you, hyung.”

 

Chan smiled fondly at Felix, cupping his face gently with one hand. “I’ll think about it, okay? Let’s go to sleep now.” He said, reaching over to turn off the lamp.

 

“Okay. G’night, hyung.” Felix said as he burrowed back under the covers, comfortably nestled under Chan’s arm.

 

“Good night, Lix.” Chan answered, resting his cheek on the top of the other’s head. He waited until Felix’s hold on him loosened and his breathing evened out before he allowed himself to let out a shaky breath that he didn’t even realize he had been holding.

 

In the darkness, he allowed his thoughts to run wild. He knew Felix had no idea that his father had borrowed money from an actual gang, merely thought that the loan sharks were from some shady bank, and he had no idea that the new job would entail being a part of said gang.

 

Chan knew, and had known for a long time, that being a part of the gang would be the easiest route. All of the debt would be forgiven and he wouldn’t have to go through the pain of rushing between 3 different jobs. Being a part of the gang would give him more money than he could ever make as a high school dropout and he could probably send Felix back to school, buy him clothes, and feed him the food that a growing boy should have.

 

The problem was that if he was involved with the gang, there was no way that Felix would be unscathed. Chan had heard more than enough horror stories where gangs would target their rival gang’s members’ loved ones instead of the members themselves, even stories where the gangs themselves would use loved ones as leverage to keep everyone in line, and he had no idea what he would do if Felix was hurt because of him.

 

Chan looked down at the sleeping boy and brushed his hair lovingly. It was true that he had practically been to hell and back for Felix’s sake but he knew that he would do it again if he had the choice.

 

Felix made a small whimpering noise at the back of his throat and Chan looked at him fondly, admiring the boy’s long lashes and his milky skin.

 

_That boy won’t be half as cute when he’s dead…_

 

The man’s words from before suddenly flashed through his mind and when Chan looked back down at Felix, the younger boy’s skin was nearly translucent. He was ice cold to the touch, lips blue and lifeless, and his eyes were shut tightly with no apparent hope of opening again.

 

Chan’s heart stopped cold in his chest and he opened his mouth to scream but no sound came out, the stabbing icicles in his chest crawling up his throat until it felt like he was going to suffocate.

 

It felt like someone was shaking him and Chan could hear his voice being called out by someone in the distance but all he could focus on was how cold, cold, cold Felix felt in his arms.

 

“Hyung!”

  
  
Chan blinked and all of the air suddenly rushed out of his body, feeling as though he had just hit the pavement after having fallen from a tall building. He gasped for breath, ignoring the burn of too much oxygen flooding his lungs too fast, as he looked around the room frantically. His vision finally focused on Felix who was sitting in front of him, staring at him worriedly with big, concerned eyes.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Felix asked slowly, unsure of how to comfort the older. His hands were shaky as he reached out towards his brother; he had always been the one to get nightmares so he didn’t really know how to help Chan, never having been in this position.

  
  
“I’m okay. _You’re_ okay... We—we’re okay.” Chan said, forcing himself to calm down lest he worry Felix further. “I-I… Don’t worry about it. I just had a little, uh, nightmare. Come on, let’s go back to sleep.” He said, flashing a fake smile at Felix. He pulled the younger boy back into his arms as he settled back down into bed and though he squeezed just a little too tight, Felix didn’t protest, figuring his brother needed it.

 

The younger boy kept taking furtive glances at him just to make sure Chan wouldn’t freak out again but his eyelids quickly became heavy and, soon enough, he fell back asleep despite the heavy hammering of Chan’s heart under his ear.

  
  
Chan looked down at the other’s peacefully sleeping face.

 

He knew what he had to do.

 

The next morning, Chan set about his day determinedly. He was uncharacteristically quiet, but worked diligently through his two shifts. Felix found his brother’s silence to be a little odd and unnerving but he credited to the nightmare that Chan had had last night so he didn’t want to bother him too much about it.

 

His shift at the convenience store came and went as well and he found himself walking the same dreaded path to the night club except, this time, his pockets were empty and he headed hesitantly towards the entrance. He felt extremely out of place in his work uniform and old hoodie and the bouncer squinted calculatingly at him, but seemed to recognize him as he waved him in, quickly sending another worker to presumably find Jennie or Byounggon.

 

For the first time since he started stopping by Syren to make his payments, he actually entered the nightclub. His senses were immediately assaulted with the loud music and awful mixed scents of alcohol and smoke. Chan looked around, trying to see if he could find a familiar face, but he couldn’t see anything in the sea of people.

 

He felt someone grab at his arm and he immediately whirled around defensively, relaxing when he saw that it was only Jennie.

 

“Chan? What are you doing here? You’re not due for another payment until next week.” She said, eyebrows furrowed with concern.

 

“I… I-I uh. Where can I talk to wh-whoever’s in charge of… Well, you know.” Chan stumbled over his words, unsure of what to say. Jennie quickly caught on to what he was trying to say and she smiled, albeit a little sadly, at him.

 

Taking his hand, she pulled him along as she pushed through the crowds of people. They walked past the bar where Chan spotted Woong and Midam working alongside another boy and two other girls, though none of the others looked like they were barely of age. Woong caught sight of them and waved enthusiastically, grinning brightly. Chan barely had enough time to give him a half-hearted wave before Jennie pushed him past a thick curtain and into a hallway.

 

Chan stared down the long hallway, glancing warily at the closed doors that showed peeks of flashing lights through the small gap at the bottom. Jennie strode past him, gesturing for him to follow as she pulled a phone out and dialed a number.

 

They got to the end of the hallway and Jennie yanked open a door, revealing an empty room. She pushed him to sit down on one of the couches and sat down beside him, not paying him much attention as she chatted on the phone in a low voice.

 

After a few minutes, she stood up and dragged him back out through the hallway. At this point, Chan had submitted to whatever and wherever she was going to take him, figuring that he had given up his choices when he entered the nightclub that night.

 

They exited _Syren_ through a backdoor and ended up in the alleyway where Chan usually waited to turn in his payments. There was a sleek black car at the end of the alley and Jennie led him to where it was parked.

 

The door swung open to reveal Byounggon and a much smaller girl. Chan couldn’t help but think that she was almost doll-like with her pale skin, large eyes, and dainty nose but he also had a feeling that she could be absolutely lethal if she wanted to.

 

Jennie pushed him into the car and she mouthed a soft “fighting!” to him before she shut the door and the car sped off.

 

The silence in the car was suffocating and Chan stared fixedly at his hands, trying to ignore the feeling of the girl’s eyes on him as she inspected him. Byounggon was quiet, as usual, but his presence was stifling—his blatant stare heavy and overbearing as opposed to the other girl’s underlying, almost coy, dangerousness.

 

The car ride seemed to take ages, although it only took 30 minutes at most, and when they emerged from it, they were in the nicer part of town in front of a bar and lounge, _Zeus._

 

Chan stumbled out of the car with Byounggon and the girl following behind. Chan felt immediately self-conscious of the way he looked in his sweater, jeans, and beat up Converses in comparison to Byounggon who was dressed in a well-tailored suit and the girl who was wearing a black dress and impossibly high heels.

 

The car sped off behind them and Chan had to will down the panic bubbled up in throat, instead rushing to follow Byounggon and the girl into the building.

 

Chan bit back a gasp when he saw _Zeus’s_ interior. The place looked ridiculously expensive with marbled flooring, large chandeliers, and sleek black furniture. The patrons inside were also obviously wealthy and were dressed immaculately, making Chan even more uncomfortable and he wanted to drown himself in his sweater.

 

Byounggon led them past the bar and lounge area, past the hallway of private rooms, and up a stairwell that led to an even more lavish hallway with plush red carpet and more private rooms. Chan followed them timidly to the end where there was large, wooden double doors. The girl sharply knocked on it twice and they waited.

 

The door swung open to reveal an extravagant office, a large mahogany desk set in the middle. There were 6 men, all in suits though less tailored than Byounggon’s, and Chan recognized the two that were standing by the desk to be the men who had come to his home just yesterday. The second man grin maliciously at him, waving his fingers mockingly, and Chan swallowed thickly, avoiding his gaze as Byounggon directed him to sit in the chair in front of the desk. He and the girl moved to stand behind Chan and he could feel the weight of their presence behind him.

 

“If I had known that that was all it would take for you to give in, I would have sent those men to see you a long time ago.” A deep voice said, cutting through the thick silence in the room.

 

Chan watched with bated breath as the plush chair behind the desk slowly whirled around to reveal a man who was probably in his mid-40’s. If he wasn’t so nervous, Chan probably would have laughed out loud at how theatrical this entire situation was. The man’s hair was slicked back with gel, contributing to his overall sleazy appearance, and his wolfish smile revealed a gold tooth. Despite his menacing appearance, the over-the-top display of power gave Chan had a feeling that he wasn’t the actual leader of the gang and he relaxed in his chair, although only by a tiny bit.

 

The man noticed the microscopic release of tension in Chan’s shoulders but his smile only widened even more until Chan couldn’t help but think that he resembled the Cheshire cat.

 

“I gotta tell you, I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t sure why _sajang-nim_ was so insistent on getting you, but you’re smarter than I expected.” The man drawled, reaching into the desk and pulled out a cigar. He lit it up and inhaled deeply, letting out a puff of thick smoke. “You guessed right—I’m not the boss. But I am in charge of what goes on here and this is as high up as you’ll see for a long while. Unless you fuck up or something, of course.”

 

Chan nodded slowly, not trusting himself to speak without stuttering. The man took a few more leisurely drags from the cigar before he turned his attention back to Chan.

 

“Now, I know you’ve been rather hesitant about this whole thing but you’ll soon find out how rewarding this life can be.” The man said, gesturing around him with an exaggerated wink. “You seem skittish but I think you’ll learn fast, so I’ll have Byounggon here teach and supervise you. Our lovely Joohyun will also assist in your training, which will start tomorrow. I expect you to quit all of your current jobs within the next two days. You can continue to live where you are right now but some adjustments may be made in the future. If you have any questions, direct them to Byounggon or Joohyun. You are dismissed.”

 

Chan felt Byounggon grab his arm to pull him up to his feet, pressing a heavy hand against his back, forcing him to bow. Byounggon let go of his arm and turned around, striding out of the room. Chan scrambled to follow and he felt Joohyun’s hand circle around his wrist to steady him before she led him out.

 

Although Chan had a million questions running through his head, he couldn’t get his voice to work around the lump in his throat. They exited the lounge to find a different black car waiting for them and they slid in wordlessly.

 

The drive back was even more tense than the ride there, and Chan couldn’t have been happier when the car finally pulled to a stop. He opened the door and was surprised to see that they were parked right outside of his apartment building but he did his best to mask his shock.

 

“Give me your number so I can text you when we come to get you tomorrow.” Byounggon said, rubbing his face wearily, also apparently tired from the day’s events. Chan blinked at him owlishly. “My number? I… I don’t have a phone.” He answered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

Byounggon opened one eye to give him an exasperated look. “You don’t have a? You know what, never mind. We’ll come get you tomorrow at 9. You at least have a clock, right?” He asked, one eyebrow raised. Joohyun elbowed him in the side to reprimand him for the snide comment, leaning over his body so that Chan could see her. “Go inside,” She said gently, tone almost motherly. “It’s probably been a long day for you and I’m sure you’re tired. Good night, Chan-ssi.” She flashed a pretty smile at him before she reached out to shut the door.

 

Chan watched as the car sped away before he walked up to his apartment, feeling a little disoriented as the events of the day slowly settled into his mind.

 

When he finally sank down onto the bed next to Felix’s small sleeping figure, he stared up at the ceiling despondently. He knew he hadn’t really had a choice, but that didn’t help alleviate the guilty feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach.

 

His life was going to be completely different now and all he could do was hope that he hadn’t dragged Felix into hell with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, just wanna thank all of my readers but especially the ones who left comments on my last chapter!!!!! Love reading your guys' comments and thoughts on my writing, even if it's a short one to say that you're enjoying it so far, bc it really means so much to me! I'm a small writer, and this is my first ~real~ chaptered fic, so the comments are super encouraging to me (& constructive criticism is also welcome!!!)
> 
> Anyways, sorry I wasn't able to get this chapter up as soon as I hoped but I was rewriting a lot of parts because I didn't want it to seem too cliche/cheesy but also I didn't want it to be triggering (especially considering that sketchy clubs and illegal businesses have been proven to be very real in Korea recently.....) Nothing's happened yet, but I'm probably gonna bump up the fic rating to Mature within the next couple of chapters because the action and the ANGST are going to get reaaaaaaal... (let me know in the comments if you think I should add any tags/warnings! I wanna be careful!)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave me comments, constructive criticism/suggestions, & kudos! See you next chapter! ♡


	8. (not a chapter update)

I realize it has been ages (a little over 2 months) since I've last updated, or even been on AO3, and I'm sorry I disappeared without saying anything!! I've been caught up in a busy busy whirlwind of getting a job & moving, and even though I've been adding bits and pieces to the fic in my spare time, I haven't had much time to myself. 

And now I'm sure everyone has heard the heartbreaking news about Stray Kids and Woojin.

Honestly, even though my initial love for Stray Kids faded a little due to unfortunate encounters with some other rude STAYS and just life in general, SKZ will always hold a special place in my heart because I got back into K-Pop and writing because of them, for them, and it was always my goal to finish this fic, no matter how long it took me. This is not something that I ever anticipated happening to SKZ--it was so sudden and it makes my hurt heart for them to think about how hard it must be for the boys and Woojin.

I'm torn about continuing with this fic because I'm sad about their situation and it'll take me a while to accept that Woojin is no longer officially "Stray Kids' Woojin" (even though he will always be, in our hearts) but just "Kim Woojin"... but I still want to try to see this fic through to completion. (If you didn't know, this fic is repurposed from an old fic I began for Seventeen but never finished, and when I got into SKZ, the fic popped up in my mind because I felt like they fit my ideas so well. I was so so determined to finish this fic for SKZ..)

I really want my readers' input on this, so please let me know how you feel about continuing this fic in due time (keeping Woojin in the storyline as I originally intended). Also feel free to just comment and vent so we can share this pain together. I haven't used twitter or tumblr in a long time because of how toxic fans can be on those websites, but I feel like AO3 is a solid place to interact and share with other fans. 

So yeah.   
<3


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